Category: Leadership

7 Reasons you watch the Bachelor

Bachelor Ben

With the Bachelor finale airing tonight, I have been wondering what the draw is for this show.  Why do we watch it?  Why is it so compelling?…even for a curmudgeon like me.  A couple thoughts from the last couple of weeks:

–Twins competing for the same guy?  That’s good for the family dynamic.  That won’t make you insecure.  For the rest of your life.

–Does the rose ceremony remind anyone else of the tribal council from Survivor?  With only one person voting.  Sorry, you’re off the island.  Extinguish your flame. (of love)

–Did Ben really tell 2 gals he loved them?  In the same episode?!  I’m clearly no expert but that doesn’t sound like a recipe for success.

–Caila’s departure was one of the most painful things I’ve ever seen.  Olivia’s wasn’t much better.  It is brutal to have feelings for someone but not have them reciprocated.

–Several gals said “I can’t believe the way he makes me feel.  I’ve never felt this way.”  Does that mean that he is the “one”?

“One thing’s for sure. When you’re on the Bachelor, you may not catch the man of your dreams, but chances are you’ll catch something!”

Had some help from some great friends Susan, Caroline, and Sara this week.

7 Reasons you love The Bachelor:

  1. You are hardwired for love. We desire it.  Plain and simple.  At its core, this show promises the discovery of true love, that one person we were meant to be with, our soulmate.  We all want that and hope for it.
  2. You want to see trainwrecks. It makes us feel better about ourselves.  When people breakdown, go crazy, break under pressure, seem desperate, do weird things, etc. we say to ourselves:  “I’m better than that.  I would never do that.”  It’s the same principle as Jersey Shore.  (which I have to confess I watched from start to finish—no hate mail please).
  3. We see ourselves in the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  We wish we were the B/B having our pick of all these attractive, exciting people fighting for our attention.
  4. We see ourselves in the contestants.  We want to be chosen. We want to be the one that someone picks.  We want to win someone’s heart.
  5. It’s funny and ridiculous. Mindless entertainment.  Even though it’s crazy unrealistic.
  6. You like competition. This is the romance version of a sporting event.  You get to root for your favorite, complete with underdogs, front runners, “hated” players, etc.  It even has Bachelor Fantasy leagues!
  7. You want to see heartbreak. There is something strangely compelling about seeing grown men and women cry after not being picked.  We’ve all been in that situation.

It all comes down to tonight.  How can you choose between 2 people you love?  We’ll find out tonight.  We won’t be able to tear our eyes away from the screen.  Maybe we’ll just have to poke them out.

Next week:  7 more reasons you watch The Bachelor


3 more reasons we don’t have a soulmate

Bachelor soulmate kids

To believe you either “click” or you don’t is a self-limiting belief.  This can cause us to miss someone who could be an incredible spouse in the quest for a soulmate.  We hit the road at the first sign of trouble.  When problems or difficulties arise, we think “Well, this must not be the one.  Adios.”  Belief in a soulmate kills the motivation to work for a successful relationship.

Valentine’s Day was this past weekend.  It has been one of the lonelier days of the year for me over the course of my life.  Sniffle, sniffle [Laugh nervously] sob sob.  But it has not been without its shenanigans either.  When I lived in Virginia Beach in the late 20th century, one of my roommates Ryan and I went to attend a dressy Valentines party in Norfolk.  It didn’t start till later so we decided to get a drink at place called Crackers in an artsy area called Ghent (not far from the party).  We both ordered fancy drinks—I believe I had an oatmeal cookie martini and Ryan a special chocolate fusion one.  So we were tasting each other’s martinis and telling jokes and laughing.  It was dark in the restaurant.  The waitress said something about is this your first valentine’s day together and we said “actually, yes it is.”  We had just become roommates that fall.  Pretty fun right?  But then after she walked away we realized that she had the wrong idea.  As we looked around we also realized that it was all men in this establishment, on Valentines dates with other men.  Classic.  The best part?  This is one of my best Valentines dates.  One of those where you have to laugh so you don’t cry.  Enough of that.  Such is the story of my life.  Onward.

Bachelor soulmate man pillow

3 more reasons we don’t have a soulmate (the first 4 reasons from last week):

1. If we had a soulmate, this would suggest we are not a complete person on our own.

The message of needing someone to “complete” us is:  You are not sufficient.  You are not enough in yourself.  This is a fallacy.  Truth:  You are a complete person.  The one who allows your soul to come alive is actually your Creator.

2. Scientific improbability (Article:  Science says finding your soulmate is almost impossible)

a.  If soulmates exist, the chances of actually finding that person are slim to none. “In other words, you better damn well hope fate brings you together, because probability suggests you’re not going to meet this person on your own.”

b. “Let’s suppose you lock eyes with an average of a few dozen new strangers each day. (…definitely a generous estimate.) If 10 percent of them are close to your age, that’s around 50,000 people in a lifetime. Given that you have 500,000,000 potential soul mates (people around your age living in the world), it means you’ll only find true love in one lifetime out of 10,000.”  I sure hope there’s not only that one person, somewhere in the world.  Happy searching if there is!

3. Relationships are not about getting; they’re about giving.

“The “soulmate” idea suggests that marriage is all about me, that I need to find someone who understands me perfectly, who makes me happy.  Instead, marriage should be about finding someone you can make happy.”  –Eric Metaxas  In the Bible, husbands are told to lay down their lives for their wives, to actually die for them. This is a far cry from searching for that one person who “completes” us.

So to sum it up:  We don’t have that one soulmate yin to our yang.  But before you curse me and shake your head at my unromantic-ness, I do believe we can become that one person.

Next week:  How to become someone’s soulmate



LOVE. Well, sort of. What is bad about The Bachelor/Bachelorette

Bachelor quote by Jimmy kimmel


OK I know I’m playing with fire here.  It’s like telling kids Santa Claus doesn’t exist.  But I have to do it.  I had only seen a couple episodes of the Bachelor/Bachelorette (from here on “BB”) from the first 8 seasons.  I had never watched it maybe because everyone was so dang good looking.  I don’t know.  But then a couple of years ago I got home from a long trip and plopped onto the couch and was flipping through channels and landed on The Bachelorette.  I don’t know why but I watched it.  Maybe it was because it was so strange to see all these guys on a date with one girl.  I mean, I’m insecure when I’m on a date with one girl.  Can’t imagine having 8 other guys with me trying to impress her.  Maybe it was because Dez was cute.  Whatever it was I watched it.  I was intrigued.  On that episode, Dez made out with 3 different dudes.  That was surprising to me because she was suspposed to be “old-fashioned” or something like that.  So I secretly DVR’ed the last 3 episodes and starting piecing together the season.  I was out of town for the finale so missed the big ending but I know what happened.  My friend Susan was live tweeting/texting me the results.  Then it occurred to me.

This is wrong. 

It’s all wrong. 

I put myself in the place of asking someone to marry me and spending the rest of my life with her.  Imagine if she had been with another guy THE NIGHT BEFORE!  ALL NIGHT!  And she had been with another guy 3 days before that.  Making out, having intimate dates, hot-tubbing, etc.  And I’m about to ask her to marry me.  While we “dated” I was exclusive but she wasn’t.  Not even close.  Maybe this is why the vast majority of these connections utterly fail.  Only 6 out of the 30 couples are still together.  See which ones here.

That lucky crew includes Jason and Molly Mesnick, even though Jason had originally chosen (and proposed to) Melissa Rycroft over Molly on The Bachelor 13 finale.  Also a couple of the couples are still very fresh into their relationship.  Only time will tell.

Less than a one in 6 chance?  No thanks.  Everyone wants to find love.  Everyone wants to be loved and desired.  But not at the expense of having to imagine a girl I would propose to was having sex with another dude the night before.

With Valentine’s Day one month away I thought it would be fitting to have a theme of love for a while.  Upcoming posts will include:

–Is there one person you are meant to marry?

–Do soulmates exists?

–What is wrong with the Bachelor/Bachelorette

–Why is the Bachelor/Bachelorette so popular?

I know that teaser can’t compete with the B/B.  But there will be a little sizzle.  I promise.  Sorry to have a several month hiatus.  This fall was crazy.  I hope to post once a week going forward.  Look for it on Thursdays or Fridays.  May the force be with you.



Should we treat all jobs and people with dignity? (What I learned at Disneyland Part 3)




The last couple of weeks I’ve highlighted some things I learned at Disneyland.  Thoughts 1-3.  Thoughts 4-5.  How about 2 words you will never hear a Disney employee say:  “bathroom” and “restroom”.  When we were with them, it was always a “comfort break.”  We got a lot of mileage talking about feeling “serious” comfort breaks coming on.  Guess how many rooms were available the opening night of Disneyland?  7.  Guess how much it was to stay?  $9.  Times have changed huh?  It’s tough to get a pack of Skittles at Disneyland for under $9 now.  Here are a couple more things I learned while at Disneyland, and the ones that had the biggest impact on me:

6.  The mission was important but seemed to be secondary under “telling the story.” (or maybe telling the story was the mission…)

a. “We don’t just make cartoons, we change the world.”

b.  I asked one Disney veteran what he liked best about his job and he said he loved making people’s dreams come true. That’s a pretty exciting job.

c.  They want to capture your heart first. They believe this is the core of humanity.

7.  All people have dignity. All jobs have dignity.  I was reminded of the CEO of Ritz-Carlton who said no human being is any more important than another human being.  The mission statement of RC is “ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.”

  1. Disney valued everyone. They honor their people really, really well.  At the very first dinner, towards the end, the main chef came out and introduced his “team”—the servers and a couple other chefs.  That main chef highlighted one of the beginner chefs and said he was probably going to take his job next year.
  2. I noticed that they had a vision for who people could become.  One of my mentors always says we should hold a crown above others and let them grow into it.
  3. Always be replacing yourself.
  4. Spoil people. Gifts every time we got back to the room—chocolate strawberries, big cookies and cupcakes, and then the last night—a framed Thomas Kincaid print for my friend.

My favorite Disney movie is Aladdin.  I actually had an Aladdin poster in my college dorm room freshman year.  It lasted all year but I do wonder now what people thought.  That movie has so many things that make movies great:  A lovable underdog, adventure, power, struggle, a love story with a gal that’s out of the guy’s league, a tiger, a genie, ethical decisions in situations, compassion, “what would you wish for?”, and much, much more.

What’s your favorite Disney movie and why? (if it’s not Aladdin, that’s OK.  You’re just wrong).